The Chatroom
by Darth Vyper
Summary: Darren and his friends began to discover the wonders of the internet. Need I say more? Humour, insanity, chaos and pure randomness inside. Anonymous reviews are accepted !
1. Chapter 1 and 2

**Summary :- **What happens when the Darren Shan Saga crew discover the beauty of instant messaging ? Plenty of humour, crap and chaos inside .

**Chapter 1**

( Late one night in the chat room … )

**VampirePrince :** Cool ! I did not know that chatting can be so much fun !

**Frankenstein : **The point is to talk, Darren not coo …over about how cool it is.

**VampirePrince : **Um…Harkat ? Why do you pause on the screen ?

**Frankenstein :** Because I need to breathe - Hey, I can talk without pausing for breath ! This is cool ! ( jumps up and down happily )

**VampirePrince :** ( snort ) Yeah, look who's talking now …

**Blondbrain :** Larten is throwing a fit, he's been looking all over for you.

**VampirePrince :** Kurda, is that you ?

**Blondbrain :** WE ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO USE OUR REAL NAMES ! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THAT WE COULD BE CARTED OFF TO THE HALL DEATH FOR THIS ! ( fuming so hard that smoke can be seen issuing out of Seba Nile quarters )

**Frankenstein :** Kurda, you're not in Seba's room, are you ? Because if you must know, he got this man-eating tarantula last week .

**VampirePrince :** Kurda, are you ok ?

( Suddenly, a girlish scream could be heard echoing throughout the mountain )

**OneEyeHero :** Darren, Larten asked me to tell you that Paris told Mika that Arrow told Arra that told Seba that told Vanez- that's me, that Cyrus told Perliat that Harkat –

**Frankenstein : **I didn't say anything !

**OneEyeHero :** - that told Larten he was looking for you.

**VampirePrince :** Oh.

**CreepyCrepsley :** DARREN SHAN !

**VampirePrince :** Mr. Crepsley, I thought you were illiterate !

**OneEyeHero :** He is. I can see him bullying Cyrus to help him convey his dissatisfaction as an uneducated citizen of the clan.

**CreepyCrepsley : **WHY YOU INSOLENT LITTLE –

( Larten chases Vanez right pass Darren and Harkat, armed with a broom. At the same time, Kurda runs in the opposite direction whilst being pursued by Seba's pet tarantula - which is only 5 inches long. )

**Frankenstein :** Whoa, did you see that ?

**VampirePrince :** Yeah, Kurda can really run. I had no idea he could sprint.

**MadamOcta :** Feed me.

**Frankenstein :** Now this is creepy…Madam Octa actually surfs the net !

**MadamOcta :** FEED ME OR I'LL GOBBLE YOU UP !

**VampirePrince :** ( shifty eyes ) You know, maybe I should go and check on how Vanez is faring against Creeply – I mean Crepsley. ( gulps ) Bye !

**Frankenstein : **Darren ! You're not running away from a spider, are you ? Darren –

**VampirePrince has signed off** .

Frankenstein : Bummer…

_Sorry if it's not funny enough, I was bored so I just decided to cook a story of my own up. I promise the next chapter won't be dull. Anyway, I'm looking forward to any comments_.

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_My many thanks goes to Alana for reviewing . I really appreciated your comment . _

**Chapter 2 . **

**VampirePrince :** Is Mr. Crepsley still chasing Vanez with that broom?

**Frankenstein : **Yup.

( As if just to prove a point, Larten can be seen running in the background with Vanez screaming for his life. Suddenly, Kurda grabs the broom from Larten and smacks the spider with joyous gusto. )

**VampirePrince :** Oh boy, Seba is going to pull his hair out once he finds out his pet is bug juice.

**Frankenstein :** You don't say…

( A yell of triumph can be heard in the background followed by a smack and a thud as Mr. Crepsley sings out, " That is what you get for stealing my broomstick !" )

**VampirePrince :** Typical day in HQ, huh ?

( After 5 minutes …)

**VampirePrince :** Harkat, are you there ? HARKAT !

( Suddenly a bright flash of light permeates the cave )

**Frankenstein : **( snickers ) Sorry I wasn't available…

**VampirePrince :** What are you up to ?

**Frankenstein :** You'll see …( grins evilly )

( Screams and shouts could be heard throughout the cave again. )

**VampirePrince :** WHAT IN THE NAME OF-

( Gavner and Mika run into the room, covered in soft white feathers. Clearly they resemble a bunch of half-plucked turkeys. )

**RavenHead :** HARKAT MULDS ! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND SACRED TO THE VAMPIRES, YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME –

**RavenHead has signed off .**

( A loud bang echoes through the room to announce the presence of DICK CHENEY ! )

**IShotMyFriend :** Whoa Harkat …You got two fine turkeys here ! Now the First Lady won't complain that we have nothing left to give the president's dog during Thanksgiving !

**Frankenstein :** Sure thing, Dick. One of your turkeys are running…( winks at Gavner who was trying to slip away unnoticed. )

**IShotMyFriend :** Wish I brought my glasses…( accidently shoots Kurda by mistake. )

( Mika can be seen screaming and running towards a bewildered Arrow for cover. )

**VampirePrince :** How did- ? What in Osca Velm- ?

**Frankenstein :** ( Tosses a red can towards Darren )

**VampirePrince :** ( eyes widening ) Acne Instant Feathers !

**Frankenstein :** Yup …I was actually planning on getting Gavner "feathered" but the can had a 5 meter effect radius so Mika got some of it as well.

**VampirePrince :** Whoa….remind me to never get on your bad side in the future…

( Another bang could be heard followed by screams - from Mika and Gavner no doubt, and a gleeful shout from Dick , "I GOT ONE AND IT'S HUGE !" )

**VampirePrince :** How long is the effect suppose to last ?

**Frankenstein : **Dunno, the label didn't say anything.

( In the background - "HARKAT!" )

**Frankenstein : **Up for some turkey, Darren ?

( Another scream and thud could be heard )

**VampirePrince :** You betcha !

**Frankenstein has signed off.**

**VampirePrince has signed off.**

**AUTHORS NOTE : In case you were wondering, Dick Cheney was that guy who shot his friend on a hunting trip and made global news.**

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_I'll probably make Gannen, Steve and R.V. enter the chat room in the next chapter. In the meantime, I'll try to update as much as possible before I leave for Medical School next week. _


	2. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the reviews !

**WARNING : LOGIC DOES NOT APPLY IN THIS STORY, SO PLEASE DO NOT MAKE YOUR HEAD HURT BY FIGURING OUT OBVIOUS DETAILS SUCH AS HOW COMPUTERS EXIST IN VAMPIRE MOUNTAIN. **

**A LOT OF KURDA BASHING IS INCLUDED, SO PLEASE AVERT YOUR EYES IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THE SADISTICNESS!**

(The authoress can be seen sobbing in the background because she is a major Kurda fan but she is literally squashing him to a bloody pulp in this story.)

So continue reading and enjoy !

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**Chapter 3.**

_Late one evening …_

**Frankenstein :** Have you seen Seba ?

**VampirePrince :** Yeah, he found out about his pet spider being bug juice and got mad at Kurda , so I caught him making a list of painful things he is going to do to him once he finds him. ( shivers at the thought of the list )

**Frankenstein :** What sort of things ? Maybe I could contribute a few more ideas.

**VampirePrince :** Are you sure you want me to write this on the net ? Because Seba wants to get full credit for this-

**CreepyCrepsley :** Yes !

**VampirePrince :** ( groan ) Mr. Crepsley, this is a private conversation !

**CreepyCrepsley :** ( snort ) Yes, and Seba was my mentor, so anything that concerns him is also my priority.

**Frankenstein :** He does have a point, Darren.

**VampirePrince :** Okay, but don't blame me if word leaks out -

**OneEyeHero :** Hi ! What's up ?

**VampirePrince :** ( groan ) Not now Vanez …

**Frankenstein :** Darren was about to tell us about a list Seba made to torture Kurda for squashing his spider.

**VampirePrince :** HARKAT !

**Frankenstein :** Oops…

**CreepyCrepsley :** And people say I'm a blabbermouth.

**OneEyeHero : **Nice word Larten; I had no idea your vocabulary comprises of so many words like that.

**CreepyCrepsley :** ( turning red, all though this cannot be seen online ) Did you just insult me ?

**Frankenstein : **Anyway, do you know where Kurda is hiding right now ?

**VampirePrince :** In Gavner's closet, I think.

**Frankenstein : **Oh, well if he can take the stench of Gavner' s socks, then I guess he really must be desperate to get away from Seba.

**VampirePrince :** Yup.

**ILuvTheBars :** Hi people !

**VampirePrince :** Who are you ?

**ILuvTheBars :** Arra, of course. Who did you think it was, the bogeyman ?

**OneEyeHero :** No, I thought you were just another show girl who was interested in looking at Larten's pink underwear .

**Frankenstein :** You have a pink underwear ! ( looking at Mr. Crepsley at the corner of the room who was turning crimson again and pestering Cyrus to type faster )

**Creepy Crepsley :** I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT !

**Frankenstein :** Are you gay ?

**ILuvTheBars :** Oh Larten, you should have just told me ( emotionally sobs in the background )

**CreepyCrepsley :** I AM NOT GAY !

**ILuvTheBars has signed off** .

**OneEyeHero : **Oh My God, Larten, you actually chased her off !

**CreepyCrepsley : **VANEZ BLANE ! I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT AND STRANGLE YOU WITH IT !

**OneEye Hero :** Bring it on plenty, brother !

( The chat room is interrupted by a sound of a computer being smashed over someone's head )

**Frankenstein : **( winces ) That ought to hurt.

**VampirePrince :** Yeah and I complained when Steve hit me with a frying pan once.

( Larten reenters the chat room, looking triumphant )

**OneEyeHero :** Oh, lookie at all the pweety colours- ( faints )

**OneEyeHero has been eradicated from the chat room because he dishonored Rule 8 (a) : Anyone who gets smacked on the head by a computer and blabbers incoherently will be thrown out of the chat room and bear the title : MORON**.

**CreepyCrepsley :** There are actually rules for this thing ?

**VampirePrince : **Don't look at me, I didn't create this thing. I just use it.

**Frankenstein :** Back to the list, Darren.

**VampirePrince :** Oh yeah ! Anyway it goes like this-

**SnakePro :** Darren, have you seen my snake ?

**VampirePrince :** Evra ! I was just about to tell Harkat and Mr. Crepsley about Seba's sadistic list !

**CreepyCrepsley : **( ignoring Darren's outburst ) Where did you leave her ?

**SnakePro :** I gave her to Gavner a few days ago because he said he was bored and he promised to return her back.

**Frankenstein :** I smell trouble.

**VampirePrince : **But you don't have a nose !

**Frankenstein :** I meant figuratively speaking, not literally.

**VampirePrince : **Oh. Yeah. Right. ( sheepish eyes )

**CreepyCrepsley :** And if I know one thing about Gavner, he always throws unused stuff in the closet.

**SnakePro :** Am I missing out on something ? Because I really need to feed my snake.

**VampirePrince :** ( ignoring Evra ) Wait a sec, isn't Kurda taking refuge in Gavner's closet -

( Right on cue, a high pitched scream can be heard followed by a loud gulp and an even louder BURP!)

**Frankenstein :** ( sigh ) Look on the bright side, at least we feed someone's snake.

**SnakePro :** ( oblivious to the fact his snake had just swallowed Kurda ) She has eaten then ? Ok, that's good. Contact me if you need any help !

**SnakePro has signed off.**

**Frankenstein : **( blinking unbelievably at the screen due to Evra's departure ) Weirdo.

**VampirePrince :** What's all that commotion ?

( A loud yell followed by a thumping noise can be heard in the background.)

**CreepyCrepsley :** Let's go look.

**VampirePrince has signed off.**

**Frankenstein has signed off .**

**CreepyCrepsley has signed off .**

( Seba is apparently trying to get Evra's snake to cough Kurda out by sitting on its belly and continuously screaming, " Spit him out ! I worked hard on getting that sadistic list done and I am not going to let it go to waste !" Amidst all the commotion, Harkat quickly grabbed the list and posted it in the chat room .)

**10 Ways to Torture Kurda Smahlt .**

**1 . Castrate him, roast his testicles and force him to consume it afterwards. Then, clip his nails, grind the clippings in a blender ( borrow Mika's - he always uses it to grind his special coffee beans ) and force him to drink the concoction.**

**2. Disembowel him and hang his intestines on the Guardians of Blood fake Christmas tree they bought on eBay 2 months ago.**

**3. Pluck his nose hair while he is being restrained and then proceed to his armpit hair. **

**4. Put him in the same room with a bunch of rabid fan girls and leave him there for the next two months.**

**5. Strap him to a chair and force him to watch Barney reruns for the next 48 hours. If he is still sane, switch to Teletubbies.**

**6. Knock him out, take him to a plastic surgeon and get him fake breasts with a D cup.**

**7. Force him to make out with Larten in a pink thong and later with Gavner in a G-string if Gavner is available.**

**8. Dye his hair red, put red colored cutex on his nails, paint him with permanent purple paint and give him red contacts. Convince him he is in another dimension whereby he is a vampaneze before throwing him into the Hall of Princes during a "Let's kill any vampaneze we see" meeting .**

**9. Shave his head bald and strip him naked before tossing him into a gay bar with a signboard hung around his neck saying, " I am the perfect sex toy you have been looking for all these years". Make sure the bar is heavily padlocked so escape would be futile.**

**10. Put him in a tutu and make him do a ballet recital with a bunch of 5 year olds on mother's day. Make sure Paris and Mika are present during the show. **

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_My apologies if it is too sadistic or crappy, but I am in a weird mood right now; everything is a bit out of hand._

**PLEASE REVIEW OR I'LL SEND A RABID BUNNY AFTER YOU!**


	3. Chapter 4

**OMG ! SO MANY REVIEWS ! THANKS A LOT YOU GUYS ! I'M SO TOUCHED ( SOBBING IN THE BACKGROUND )…**

**ANYWAYS, ( BLOWS NOSE USING LARTEN'S CAPE ) HERE'S A NEW CHAPTER FOR ALL OF YOU, SO READ AND ENJOY PEOPLE!**

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**Chapter 4****.**

_Next night…_

**VampirePrince :** Where's Kurda ?

**Frankenstein :** Still in the snake's stomach, I guess…( screams and loud bangs can still be heard echoing in the background )

**VampirePrince :** Oh…

**IAmNotEvil :** Hello my humble pathetic Homo sapiens, I've come to take over the planet and destroy you all! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!

**VampirePrince :** Um, Steve is that you?

**IAmNotEvil :** Wait a sec, this is not the chatroom for www . EvilLordsofAllTime . com ?

**Frankenstein :** Like duh you evil nut headed vampa-pansy…

**IAmNotEvil :** I AM NOT EVIL! SHAN, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

**VampirePrince :** Hey ! That wasn't me, that was Harkat !

**IAmNotEvil :** All the more reason to murder you!

**VampirePrince :** Are you retarded? I said it was Harkat !

**Frankenstein :** ( snickers in the background ) What a bunch of pussies.

**VampirePrince :** HARKAT ! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SIDING WITH ME! ( whacks Harkat in the head )

**Frankenstein :** Ow…That hurt Darren …

**IAmNotEvil :** Hello? Someone owes me an apology or I'll start a war!

**VampirePrince :** We are already at war, Steve.

**IAmNotEvil :** ( blinks dumbly at the screen ) Are we?

**VampirePrince :** Wow …You seriously are retarded …

**PureVampaneze :** Master, it's time for your TV break.

**IAmNotEvil :** Sod off Gannen, I want to murder Shan first !

**PureVampaneze :** But the last episode of Barney is on …

**IAmNotEvil :** BARNEY IS ON ? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO ?

**Frankenstein :** Wait, what channel is it on ?

**VampirePrince :** YOU LIKE TO WATCH BARNEY?!

**Frankenstein :** No, it's just that Seba wanted me to tape it so he can torture Kurda as much as possible once the snake has passed him out .

**VampirePrince :** Oh…For a moment there I thought that knock I gave you cramped your brain or something…

**IAmNotEvil :** GTG, I'll murder you later once I finished watching Barney.

**IAmNotEvil has signed out.**

**PureVampaneze :** ( phew ) Solitude at last…

**CreepyCrepsley :** Hey, what are you doing here ?

**PureVampaneze ;** I was about to chat with my brother but I had to get rid of my _beloved _Lord first …

**CreepyCrepsley :** He is not here. He went to chase after a bunch of rabid squirrels that were pelting him with nuts the other day…

**PureVampeneze :** Typical Vancha ( sighs at the other end )

**VampirePrince :** Wait a sec. Mr. Crepsley, I thought you were helping Seba to get Evra's snake to cough out Kurda ?

**CreepyCrepsley :** I was. I gave him a chainsaw.

**Frankenstein :** YOU WHAT?!

**PureVampaneze :** ( mumbles to himself even though it cannot be heard online ) Maybe I should come back later …

**PureVampaneze has signed out.**

( Suddenly, maniacal laughter followed by the roar of a chainsaw being switched on can be heard throughout the mountain. )

**VampirePrince :** Uh oh…

**Frankenstein :** Why do I get a feeling that Seba plus chainsaw equals to pandemonium …? ( glares at Larten on the other side of the room )

**CreepyCrepsley:** He was getting impatient ! It was either that or the prune juice! Which one do you prefer? A farting-shiting snake or just a plain brutal caesarean ?

**VampirePrince :** Good point …

**Frankenstein :** Hang on, you didn't happen to get some prune juice, did you?

**CreepyCrepsley :** Of course I did. I threw it in the old wine barrel when I thought the chainsaw was more convenient.

**Frankenstein :** ( gulp ) Oh crap, I'm so screwed…

**VampirePrince :** Wait, what does prune juice got to do with anything?

**Frankenstein :** I gave Mika some.

**CreepyCrepsley :** YOU WHAT?

**VampirePrince :** HOLY ORANGE BOOBS CARAMEL PANTIES SPIDERMAN LACE THONG !

( Larten and Harkat looks at Darren strangely. )

**VampirePrince :** But that means -

( Harkat nods in the background . )

**CreepyCrepsley :** TAKE COVER!

**VampirePrince :** DUCK!

**Frankenstein :** BOMBS AWAY !

( Right on cue, a loud "PRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTT" can be heard in the background )

**AncientPrince :** HELP, MY BEARD IS ON FIRE ! HELP ! SOS!

**AncientPrince has signed off .**

( Harkat instinctively pours a barrel full of cow manure on Paris. Arrow can be seen running around in circles, flapping his arms while screaming, " I WANT MY MUMMY! )

**VampirePrince :** Good job Harkat ! You saved the day !

( Harkat stands up and gives a mock bow, oblivious to the fact that Paris is running around with a barrel stuck on his head in the background. He then crashes into Arrow, who runs and screams, "IT'S THE ATTACK OF THE BARREL-HEADED ALIENS ! RUN ! IT'S ALREADY ARMAGEDDON ! )

**CreepyCrepsley :** Whoa ….I never thought Arrow can scream at such a high pitch. Guess he wasn't joking when he said he used to be a soprano in the school choir last time…

**Frankenstein :** I think we better get out of here. It's quite chaotic.

**VampirePrince :** You don't say…

( Seba can be seen chasing Evra's snake, holding the chainsaw high in the air and cackling with glee, " MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME NOW !" )

**BearSnore :** Hi people ! You should really try that wine Mika took. It's great!

( Larten, Darren and Harkat exchange looks of horror )

**VampirePrince :** Um…Gavner , I don't think that's wine.

**BearSnore :** ( looking confused from the other side of the room ) What is it then?

**Frankenstein :** ( extremely horrified ) It's prune juice…

**BearSnore :** Oh bugger… ( eyes bulging )

**CreepyCrepsley :** Oh dear, I'm outta here !

**Frankenstein :** HE'S GONNA BLOW !

**CreepyCrepsley has signed off.**

**Frankenstein has signed off.**

**VampirePrince has signed off.**

**BearSnore has been thrown out of the chatroom because he dishonoured Rule 4 (c) : Anyone who farts and causes natural gas poisoning while using the chat room will be removed immediately . **

( In the background :-

"There are rules for farting ?"

" JUST RUN, HARKAT !" )

_Miles away from vampire mountain …( insert a random girl and her father )_

"Look daddy, the mountain is smoking !"

" Funny, there aren't any volcanoes in the area."

" I think one of the cave people had too much prune juice."

_( If only the kid knew how right she was… )_

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_I'M FINALLY DONE, SO NOW IT'S YOUR JOB TO REVIEW ! HOPE IT'S GOOD ENOUGH !_

**P.S. I KNOW THIS IS BLACKMAIL BUT I'M NOT GOING TO POST THE NEXT CHAPTER UNTIL I GET AT LEAST 10 REVIEWS !! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!**


	4. Chapter 5

**I'M SORRY ! I KNOW I PROMISED YOU LOT I'LL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER AS SOON AS 10 REVIEWS FLOW IN BUT APPARENTLY I GOT A HELL LOT MORE THAN THAT AND I HAD A HEART ATTACK SO I WAS CARTED OFF TO THE HOSPITAL… NAH , JUST KIDDING ! I WAS ACTUALLY BUSY WRITING SOME DUMB ESSAY FOR MY PARENTS ABOUT SOME STINKING COMPETITION, SO I WAS A LITTLE PREOCCUPIED…ANYWAY, NEXT CHAPTER IS UP, SO R AND R ! **

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**Chapter 5.**

_One week later…_

**VampirePrince :** Phew….I never thought the stink will be gone…

**CreepyCrepsley :** And my hair is completely burnt off…( sobs in the background )

**Frankenstein :** Oh please…As if you can call that pathetic excuse of a mop on your oversized head hair…

( Larten proceeds to banging his head on the computer desk and bawling like a baby. )

**VampirePrince :** Ouch…

**CreepyCrepsley :** ( looks up from his desk ) Are you hurt Darren ?

**VampirePrince :** Um….no…Go back to concussing yourself on the head…

**CreepyCrepsley :** Ok ( sobbing hysterically and resumes banging head on the desk )

**Frankenstein :** Are those guys in HAZMAT suits still around ?

**VampirePrince :** I dunno…

(Right on cue, a guy in a HAZMAT suit arrives and pokes his God-knows-what detector "into" Larten )

**CreepyCrepsley :** ( stops crying and winces ) What in Charna's name are you doing ?!

**HazmatDude :** You have radioactive fart content in your underpants. Please remove your boxers and follow me to the lab for processing.

**CreepyCrepsley :** That is not my underwear ! That is Mr. Incredible, you moronic radioactive-detecting scum !

**HazmatDude :** Oh well…You can't have everything right these days… I've seen guys eating their own testicles, claiming it was an aphrodisiac…

**CreepyCrepsley :** You are never taking me alive…

**HazmatDude :** Oh yeah ?

**CreepyCrepsley :** Oh yeah !

( A huge group of vampires pile into the cave and start cheering, " FIGHT ! FIGHT ! FIGHT !" in the background although it is not audible online )

**HazmatDude :** Yeah ?

**CreepyCrepsley :** Yeah !

**HazmatDude :** Yeah ?

**CreepyCrepsley :** Ye-!

**VampirePrince :** Oh, for Corza's sake ! Just fight already !

**IWantKids :** Did someone call ?

**Frankenstein :** ( gasps dramatically in the background ) Corza Jarn ?

**OneEyeHero :** Aren't you suppose to be dead ?

**IWantKids :** Yeah, I guess so…Why am I here anyway ?

**OneEyehero :** Aha ! I caught the authoress at making another-

( Suddenly a hole appears in the ground and Vanez falls into it. All the vampires gasp and make the death touch sign, " Even in the torturous dimension the authoress sent you, may you always be completely insane…" )

**OneEyeHero has signed off.**

**CreepyCrepsley :** What happened to him anyway ?

**HazmatDude :** Fell into one of the plot holes, I guess…

**VampirePrince :** Hey, wait a sec ! How did Vanez get here ? It is another pl-

**Frankenstein :** ( covers Darren's mouth ) Are you crazy ? Do you want to fall into another plot hole and be chucked into a dimension without any Xbox or Pokemon ?

( All vampires gasp dramatically in the background and Arrow faints.)

**VampirePrince :** I guess not…( sees Larten and the HAZMAT suit guy rolling around and kissing underneath the computer table. )

**Frankenstein :** Oi ! You two are suppose to be fighting, not lip-locking !

( Both of them shoot sheepish smiles. )

**RavenHead :** OMG ! It the attack of the slash fics ! Run !

( Everyone scrambles to the exit but a rolling Seba-Gavner causes all of them to trip and fall. )

**CreepyCrepsley :** Ahem…

**HazmatDude :** Cough…Cough…

**CreepyCrepsley :** Ahem …You kiss very well…Ahem…

**HazmatDude :** Cough…You too…Cough…

**VampirePrince :** Oh, for crying out loud ! Are you guys going to brawl or not ?

**CreepyCrepsley :** Yeah well… ( bats eyelashes at HAZMAT dude )

**HazmatDude :** ( licking his lips although the HAZMAT suit makes it impossible to see ) Saucy…

**CreepyCrepsley :** Juicy…

**HazmatDude :** Cupcake from Mars …

**CreepyCrepsley :** ( swoon ) My radioactive angel …

**HazmatDude :** ( purrs ) Sweet honeybuns…

**Frankenstein :** I have a feeling this is going to take all day.

**VampirePrince :** Stuff it Harkat.

**Frankenstein :** ( lifting his arms in a so-sue-me sort of way ) Just stating the truth mate.

**IAmNotEvil :** Hello Shan ! After that last episode of Barney, I am fresh and all out to kill you. Mwahahahahahaha!

**VampirePrince :** ( groan ) Steve, not now-

**HazmatDude :** Wait a sec…You watch Barney ?

**IAmNotEvil :** Yeah…You too ?

**HazmatDude :** Hell yeah !

**IAmNotEvil :** Cool ! I made my entire army watch it ( a couple of drooling vampaneze can be see walking like zombies in the background ) but they show no appreciation for it whatsoever…

**Frankenstein :** More like no life signs…

**HazmatDude :** ( ignoring Harkat ) Really ? But I love the song !

**IAmNotEvil :** Me too ! Want to sing along with me ?

**HazmatDude :** Sure-

**CreepyCrepsley :** But muffy wuffykins ! I thought you were supposed to have a play fight with me !

**HazmatDude :** Sod off Larten. I like this guy now. ( pointing at Steve's chat name on the screen )

**CreepyCrepsley has signed off.**

( Larten wails and runs away, tripping over Mika-Paris on the way )

**VampirePrince :** Whoa …Mr. Crepsley is so not having a good day, huh ?

**Frankenstein :** You don't say…

**( A/N : This is a slightly modified version of Barney's song , but sing along using the original Barney music . )**

**IAmNotEvil :** I hate you-

**HazmatDude :** -you hate me-

**IAmNotEvil :** -let's team up and kill Barney-

**HazmatDude :** -with a great big punch-

**IAmNotEvil :** -and Barney's on the floor-

**HazmatDude :** -no more purple dinosaur !

( Steve and the HAZMAT guy crack up )

**IAmNotEvil has signed off.**

**HazmatDude has signed off. **

**VampirePrince :** ( stares mortified at the screen ) I think I need a whole box full of Tylenol. ( looks at the fainted form of Harkat ) Hmm…maybe I'll need two.

**VampirePrince has signed off.**

( Darren signs off for Harkat )

**Frankenstein has signed off.**

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_Okay , I'm done so it's your job to send in the reviews._

_P.S. I wasn't trying to make fun of those who write slash fics or have plot holes in their stories so no pun intended. Heck, even my HP fic is going to turn out to be a slash soon anyway._

**GIVE ME AT LEAST ANOTHER TEN MORE REVIEWS OR ELSE THIS STORY IS GOING TO THE RUBBISH BIN ! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!**


	5. Chapter 6

_Okay , I know I may not be the best person to keep promises for updating fics, but hell ! I'm stuck in a top foreign university with a bunch of freaking geniuses and I have exams every single week ! Cut the girl a little slack, will ya ? Phew…Glad I finally got that off my chest, ignore the moping, I do that a lot when I'm stressed out. Anyway, back to the fic…_

_P.S. I updated my profile, check it out people !_

**Disclaimer : Wahoo ! I own Darren Shan Saga ! I own Kurda and Mika and- SPLASH ! Hey ! ( looks at Larten who is holding a bucket ) Damn, so much for daydreaming… I don't own them ! You punks satisfied ? **

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**Chapter 6.**

**Frankenstein :** Ow …Did I hit my head anywhere last night ?

**VampirePrince :** Nah, you just passed out.

**Frankenstein :** I did ?

**VampirePrince :** Yeah, remember when Steve and the HAZMAT dude began to sing Barney-

**Frankenstein : **STOP ! STOP ! I GET YOUR POINT ! ( mutters something along the lines of, "No wonder I had nightmares of magical singing purple dinosaurs whole night !" although this is not audible online. )

**VampirePrince :** Sheesh…You didn't have to yell Harkat.

**Frankenstein :** Sorry, it's just that-

**ILuvTheBars :** Hey guys !

**VampirePrince :** What's cooking Arra ?

**ILuvTheBars :** Um…bat broth ?

**Frankenstein :** He meant what's up.

**ILuvTheBars :** Um…the ceiling ?

**VampirePrince :** ( groan ) I meant what are you doing now ?

**ILuvTheBars :** Um…chatting with you guys ? Wait a sec, this isn't a secret IQ test, is it ?

**Frankenstein :** I'm surprised you even know what an IQ test means.

**VampirePrince :** Harkat, please be subtle. And Arra, quit pretending to be a duffer, you're smarter than this.

**ILuvTheBars :** I'm not - what you call it ? ( scrolls and looks up ) A duffer. ( blinks rapidly at the screen ) What on Earth does that mean ?

**VampirePrince :** It means dumb.

**ILuvTheBars :** I can speak perfectly well, thank you very much !

**Frankenstein :** ( sighs ) Dumb means duffer and duffer means dumb. Get it ?

**ILuvTheBars :** No, I - Hey, I refuse to play your creepy internet mind games ! ( huffs )

**ILuvTheBars has signed off.**

**VampirePrince :** ( scoffs at Arra's sudden departure ) Oh, for Corza's sake-

**IWantKids :** Someone called - again ?

**Frankenstein :** Hoi ! Stay dead, dude !

**IWantKids :** How insensitive ! Maybe it's a good thing Desmond never permitted vampires to give birth, we'll probably end up having brats like you ( shudders ) and God forbids that sounds creepy as it is-

( A loud 'BANG !' can be heard and Darren rushes back to his computer before shoving a smoking gun into a terrified Perliat's hand )

**IWantKids has signed off.**

**Frankenstein :** Darren, what in Osca Velm did you just do -?

**VampirePrince :** Got rid of Corza. What else do you think that gun was for ?

( A group of guards quickly stroll in and scream, " Who used the gun ?" Darren points at Perliat who unfortunately finds the gun stuck to his hand. "Eep !" Perliat runs and screams as they rest of the guards chases after him )

**Frankenstein :** Now look what you've done. As if it isn't bad enough having a PMS ( Pissy Man Syndrome ) mentor crying his eyeballs out because his lover ran off with a Barney fan and another crazy old codger trying to cut open a snake to chop Kurda into itsy bitsy pieces.

**VampirePrince :** You do realize the point of IM-ing each other is to talk in short sentences, right ?

**Frankenstein :** Oh for the love of Vanez-

**BearSnore :** YOU LOVE VANEZ ?

**Frankenstein :** NO ! I meant-

**RavenHead :** And I thought I was the only secret gay man in the mountain.

**VampirePrince :** It's no longer a secret Mika. You just confessed you are a faggot online.

**PureVampaneze :** Has anyone seen my brother ?

( Everyone ignores Gannen )

**RavenHead :** I'M NOT A FAGGOT ! I'M GAY !

**PureVampaneze :** Okay, I'm guessing this is a really bad time.

( Gannen is still ignored )

**BearSnore :** Whoa…

**AncientPrince :** Guess what, I'm GAY !

**PureVampaneze :** Really, really bad time… Are all vampires gay ? Vampaneze certainly are not…Thank God. I can't imagine lip-locking with Steve, can you ?

( Yup , our favorite vampaneze is still ignored )

**BearSnore :** Uber whoa …

**Frankenstein :** I AM NOT GAY ! PARIS IS GAY AND MIKA IS GAY AND DARREN IS GAY BUT I'M NOT !

**PureVampaneze :** Ok, I'm officially traumatized. Just when I recovered from the whole Barney episode too… Guess I better call Dr. Phil and swallow some of Steve's estrogen pills. My chest is getting a bit flatter…

**PureVampaneze has signed off.**

**VampirePrince :** Hey, I'm not gay !

**RavenHead :** I'm gay !

**AncientPrince :** I'm happy gay !

**BearSnore :** Wait a sec, who's gay again ?

**RavenHead :** Me !

**AncientPrince :** Me !

**BearSnore :** So who wants to hit it off in my coffin tonight because Esmeralda is built for two-

**Frankenstein :** You call your COFFIN Esmeralda ?

**BearSnore :** Yeah, she was my first-

**VampirePrince :** You lost your virginity to a block of wood ?!

**BearSnore :** Correction. A sexy, tasty block of wood.

**Frankenstein :** You TASTED your coffin ? That is _so_ wrong on many _so _levels…( whimpers because he is currently emotionally disturbed )

**VampirePrince :** I don't even want to know.

**AncientPrince :** I've tasted lead before.

**Frankenstein :** You do realize we're veering off topic, don't you ?

**BearSnore :** ( Ignores Harkat ) How does it taste like ?

**AncientPrince :** Like lead.

**VampirePrince :** ( snorts ) How original.

**RavenHead :** I thought we were talking about me being gay -?

**AncientPrince :** And me too !

**RavenHead :** -and Paris too ?

**BearSnore :** Yeah, but the authoress thought that if we both hooked up, we'll probably traumatize all the Mika and Gavner fans, not to mention the authoress herself will be mutilated.

**RavenHead :** Oh…( suddenly looks to his left at a young vampire carrying a bag of chips ) Hey, is that Nachos ? I want some !

**RavenHead has signed off.**

**BearSnore :** Well, there goes the chances of this fic turning out to be a slash. ( sighs )

**BearSnore has signed off.**

**AncientPrince :** Well, toodles ! I have to go and start plucking daises because I'm happy and gay !

**AncientPrince has signed off.**

**Frankenstein :** That was the most weirdest IM conversation I've ever had.

**VampirePrince :** Agreed.

**Frankenstein :** Are there even any daisies around the mountain ? I mean we are in Greenland, right ?

**VampirePrince :** Not unless you count the ones Arrow has been secretly growing in his old underwear.

( Suddenly there was a loud cacophony of screams and wails echoing in the background )

**Frankenstein :** What's brewing now ?

( A shrill girlish scream pierced the air )

**VampirePrince :** Dunno, but I guess it has something to do with Mika's nachos though.

**Frankenstein :** Up for a bout of investigation, Sherlock Darren ?

**VampirePrince :** You betcha !

**Frankenstein has signed off.**

**VampirePrince has signed off.**

"What on Earth -?" Harkat begins as he spots the chaos in the Hall of Princes.

Mika is busy wrestling a poor vampire to the ground because of the Nachos; Seba is cackling madly in the corner because he'd somehow managed to stuff some laxatives into Evra's snake and 'Esmeralda' is vibrating ( hint, hint ) in the corner.

"Harkat, do you have any more tylenol with you ?" Darren asks, wide eyed.

"Only two left. Why ?"

There is a loud THUD ! and Harkat looks at Darren's supine form on the floor.

"Oh."

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_That was a cheesy ending but I had to end it one way or another ! Anyways, you know the drill, review people !_

**I WANT AT LEAST 15 REVIEWS OR I'LL THROW MY LAPTOP OUT OF THE 26TH FLOOR OF MY HOSTEL AND IT'LL BE BYE-BYE FICCY ! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !**


	6. Chapter 7

_I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACK ! WAHOO ! I have a three week break, so I'm going to update all my fics as soon as I can ! Sorry for the long wait and a thousand apologies for that selfish note of me stopping all my fics ! I had a stressful, highly hormone moment … ( smiles sheepishly ) Anyways, I may not be updating for some time, but don't forget, I'm still here ! _

**Disclaimer : I own Mika on a bed and Kurda on a stick ! ( cackles evilly until Seba drops his 'To –mulch- Kurda- kit" on Darth Vyper's head ) I…lookie at all the pweety vampires… ( passes out ) If you still think I own it, I'm sorry to tell you I don't have any testicles, so I'm not Darren Shan.**

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**Chapter 7. **

**VampirePrince :** Harkat, murder me. I beg of you.

**Frankenstein :** What's up with the suicidal tendencies ? Did Arrow steal your Barbie doll again ?

**VampirePrince :** No, he actually stole my Bratz collection - but that's completely besides the point.

**Frankenstein :** Ok…So what's the problem ?

**VampirePrince :** My life is so darn convoluted.

**Frankenstein :** Darn, big word ! I knew I should have installed a Thesaurus into this thing !

**VampirePrince :** Can we please get back to the issue at hand here ?!

**Frankenstein :** Ok, rave away my prince who sucks his thumb at night !

**VampirePrince :** Well there was- HEY, I DON'T SUCK MY THUMB !

**Frankenstein :** ( snorts ) Yeah right…Then what was all that slurping noises in the middle of the night huh ?

**VampirePrince :** What 'slurping' noises ?

**Frankenstein :** You know, the noise that you make when you suck something slurpy ? Like _SLURP_… ( hint, hint )

**PureVampaneze :** Is Vancha there ?

**VampirePrince :** You mean the SLURP-ish type like when you drink from a bottle ?

**Frankenstein :** No, more like when you suck something long like a carrot stick or something.

**PureVampaneze :** Dear God, vampires suck sticks ?

**BearSnore :** What's wrong with sucking sticks ? I always suck bits of Esmerelda when I get bored…

**Frankenstein :** Is it just me or is our IM conversation getting perverted by the moment ?

( No one answers for a while )

**VampirePrince :** Nah, it's just you.

**Frankenstein :** (shrugs ) Oh well, my mind is polluted with images of Gavner wearing that yellow-pink elephant printed boxers, so I guess this means nothing.

**BearSnore :** Hey ! I'm still here you know !

**PureVampaneze :** Good lord, I had no idea vampires were not straight…

**Frankenstein :** As if vampanezes are…

**PureVampaneze :** And how, I pray, do you know that we're not interested in knocking up each other ?

**VampirePrince :** You've got your Webcam on.

**PureVampaneze :** And your point is ?

**BearSnore :** Gannen, I hate your guts and everything but if I were you, I'll get the hell outta there.

**PureVampaneze :** Why ?

**VampirePrince :** LOOK. BEHIND. YOU.

( Gannen turns around, only to be met by a drunk Steve who starts to French him )

**Frankenstein :** Eww…I think I'm going to be scarred for life…

**VampirePrince :** I don't think it's going to make that much difference. You're already covered in stitches.

**BearSnore :** Hey, do you guys have 3-d goggles ? This is getting good !

**VampirePrince :** ( hands Gavner a pair of glasses ) I have to say, I had no idea Steve is such a good kisser.

**Frankenstein :** Me neither…

**PureVampaneze :** FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ! SAVE -

**BearSnore :** YEAH, AND HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSE TO DO THAT ?

**VampirePrince :** Gavner, you left your capslock on.

**BearSnore :** OH, sorry. ( sheepish smile )

**ILuvTheBars :** Hey guys !

**Frankenstein :** Hey Arra ! What's cooking ?

**ILuvTheBars :** Um… bat broth ? And stale bread ?

**VampirePrince :** Oh dear God, not this again… ( groans )

**PureVampaneze :** SOS ! VAMPANEZE SUFFOCATING HERE ! AHHHHHHHHHHH !!

**ILuvTheBars :** Whoa …Is that Steve and Gannen ?

**BearSnore :** Yup, kinda cool isn't it ? ( tosses a pair of glasses towards Arra )

**Frankenstein :** You know, I still don't see the point of us chatting when we're all sitting next to each other. We could just talk.

**VampirePrince :** But it's more fun this way … Anyone got popcorn ? This is hot stuff ! ( stares at Steve and Gannen 'shaking' on the computer chair )

**RavenHead :** No, but I have some Nachos.

**Frankenstein :** Well, at least it's something.

**PureVampaneze :** NO ! NOT THE PANTS ! NO ! MUMMY !!

**VampirePrince :** Hi Mika. Whassup ?

**RavenHead :** Nothing much. I gave Larten a black eye for stealing one of my Nacho chips, gave Arrow a wedgie and finally heard some interesting spicy flick was going on in the chat room, so I came to check it out.

**BearSnore :** Good choice Sire, is Esmeralda free ?

**RavenHead :** Paris is still using her, but I heard he was rather _lonely…_

**BearSnore :** Aha ! I knew building Esmeralda for two would come in handy some day ! Catch you all later ! I have a prince to screw !

**BearSnore has signed off.**

**Frankenstein :** Okaaaaaaaaaaaay… Is it just me or is there a case of homosexulitis going on ?

**ILuvTheBars :** It's just you.

**VampirePrince :** Hey look ! They're stripping !

**RavenHead :** Wow ! I had no idea their Lord had a big whopper !

**PureVampaneze :** SOMEONE MURDER ME-

**ILuvtheBars :** I think I'll take a Midol and go to my coffin, pretending this is just some horrible nightmare…

**Frankenstein :** Ok, you go ahead, we'll give you the run down on gay vamps in action tomorrow at twilight.

**ILuvTheBars :** Oh God…

**ILuvTheBars has signed off.**

( Suddenly the webcam goes off )

**PureVampaneze has signed off.**

**VampirePrince :** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

**Frankenstein :** DANG, HE WAS JUST REMOVING GANNEN'S PANTS !

**RavenHead :** DAMN ! I OWE ARROW A 100 TORTILLA CHIPS !

**VampirePrince :** Okay… That was totally random and uncalled for.

**Frankenstein :** Agreed.

( Loud groans and an angry outcry can be heard outside the room )

**VampirePrince :** I didn't know everyone was watching.

**RavenHead :** Of course they were, how did you think I found out that something as juicy as this was going on ?

**Frankenstein :** And how did you know ?

**RavenHead :** Elementary my dear patched up friend. Arrow told Paris who told Gavner who told Arra who told Perliat who told Cyrus who told-

( Suddenly, in the background "BOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM !!" )

**VampirePrince :** What in Charna's name was that ?

**Frankenstein :** What is that repulsive odour ?

**RavenHead :** Guess the laxatives did work after all.

( Right on cue an evil cackle followed by a loud hoarse voice resounded throughout the mountain, " MWAHAHAHAHA ! I'VE GOT YOU KURDA SMAHLT ! AND I JUST HAVE THIS PERFECT TUTU THAT WILL FIT YOU !" )

**Frankenstein :** Note to self : Never squash Seba's pet spider.

**VampirePrince :** Yeah…( shivers as Kurda's screams of mercy and agony can be heard )

**RavenHead :** ( takes out a camera from nowhere ) I can't wait to get a shot of Kurda in a tutu ! It'll be perfect for my scrapbook !

**Frankenstein :** ( stares mortified at the screen ) Whoa.

**VampirePrince :** Let's go check it out ! I heard it hurts your butthole when you do a split.

**Frankenstein :** Ok, I think the authoress better stop writing now…This is getting too _horny_…

**Frankenstein has signed off**

**VampirePrince :** Haha ! Harkat doesn't know I'm still online ! Hey, do you guys know that Mr. Crepsley used to do ballet ? It was so funny ! He once did a split which ended up horribly wrong and his crotch swelled up-

( Harkat yells in the background, " Darren, stop polluting the minds of the readers !" and drags Darren away )

**VampirePrince :** -and his testicles - HARKAT ! OUCH ! ( passes out ) Harkat here, sorry for that. We'll promise we'll be less 'dirtier' in the next chapter. Darth Vyper had too much sugar and it's 11 pm. Go figure. Catch you all later !

**VampirePrince has signed off. **

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_Okay, I admit this is the worst chapter I've ever written for this story and I'm really sorry for the lame ending. And I'm hyped up on sugar and it's getting late. Well, review people !_


	7. Chapter 8

_Wow, I haven't updated this baby for a long, long time… But I have a good reason(s) for my bad, backstabbing, 'I-promise-to-update-earlier' behavior :_

_a) I've officially finished my first book - it has been sent in for proof reading and is due to be published someday. Hence my lengthy absence because let me tell you something : Writing a 150 000 word book plus editing plus staying cooped up at home twenty four-seven isn't quite a good combination. It apparently leads to paranoia, googly-eyed syndrome whereby one sits in front of the computer and a strange coveting for fusty cheese._

_b) I just encountered the worst month of my life ( the accursed June to be exact ), whereby I had to engage in a verbal tussle with my parents regarding my future and me staying at home and writing my book. Some of you already know this, whilst others might still be in the dark of my anarchic personal life; but I just want to say that it reached an almost suicidal point. But I'm still alive. So I guess that's good. I think._

_c) I'm nursing an injured middle finger in my right hand. Not good, but I'm living through typing with nine other incompetent fingers. To my dearly beloved middle finger: may you get well soon and kick some alphabet ass on the keyboard by next Monday. _

_d) I'm currently attending driving lessons. I may not be free sometimes, but I'm stuck at home most of the time, so I'll use whatever spare minutes I have left in my schedule to update all my fics and possibly finish them by the end of this year._

_So sorry for the inconveniences guys – I really missed you all as well. So here's a special treat : I'm updating ALL my beauties. Read and drink up the ones which match your brand of tea, and please kindly leave a gentle/constructive review afterwards. Flames will be used to roast my neighbor's dead rats by the way, before the aforementioned carcasses will be flung back into her porch. She's a nasty old hag, so sue me._

_Oh, and I realize my writing was incredibly amateurish and full of grammar/spelling errors ( looking back and shuddering at all stories ), so my deepest apologies for that. I won't give it my all, but I'll try to do as much as I can to make my stories better._

_So read and enjoy !_

**Disclaimer : Kurda and shmexy Mika…Ooh…I wish I own them, I really do…But, the darn star I wished upon turned out to be a blinking airplane light…Dang…**

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**Chapter 8. **

**VampirePrince : **Ouch. ( moans ) My head throbs…and I feel like I've been maimed, butchered, liberated, castrated, tortured, murdered, banged, bashed, clobbered, mowed over, baptized, hacked up and stuffed…HARKAT !

**Frankenstein :** Yes ?

**VampirePrince :** What in the name of Corza Jarn did you do to ME ?

**IWantKids :** Who rang ?

**VampirePrince :** ( stares at the offensive kid-hugger ) Wait a sec. I got rid of you several chapters ago ! ( pauses and scratches his chin ) No, wait. Or was it the last chapter ? No, the chapter before - Argh ! I don't know ! The thing is - you're suppose to be DEAD ! KAPUT ! SNUFFED OUT ! CONKED ! MASTICATED !

**Frankenstein :** Um…Darren-?

**IWantKids :** ( snorts loudly ) Hah - have you ever heard the saying 'the past always comes back to bite you in the ass' ?

**VampirePrince :** I thought it was 'the past always comes back to chew you on the rear' ?

**Frankenstein :** Um…Darren-?

**IWantKids :** ( rolls eyes ) Different version, same meaning kid.

**Vampire Prince :** I'M NOT A KID ! I'M JUST…LITTLE-SIZED ! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I'M A GOOD TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH !!

**IWantKids :** Wow, the kid is actually polite ! Someone go and fetch me one of those new Sony Camcorders - it's a miracle ! A moment of record-worthy-vampire-history !

**VampirePrince :** ( grinds jaws ) WHY YOU-!

**ILuvTheBars :** You left your capslock on, Darren.

**Frankenstein :** ( starts singing out ) _Darren_…?

**Vampire Prince :** ARRA ! AM I SO GLAD TO SEE YOU ! TELL THE KID-HUGGER I'M **NOT A KID !**

**ILuvTheBars :** cough,cough - capslock on – cough,cough. Cough,cough – block letter-eye sore – cough,cough.

**IWantKids :** What foul grammar you use. It's suppose to be 'I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU', _kid_.

**VampirePrince :** You SEE ! There he goes - AGAIN !

**ILuvTheBars :** Technically, I'd say he's right Darren. You're still a child. After all, your whooper is only the size of a shriveled peanut.

**VampirePrince :** ( whines ) ARRA !

**IWantKids :** ( sticks out tongue at Darren ) Go eat dust, you teeny sized weenie !

**VampirePrince :** Roll in dung, you sterile old bat !

( A few vampires in the background gasp and a random cuckoo several miles away faints. Corza just huffs and crosses his arms over his chest, whilst eyeing the screen of his computer evilly. )

**Frankenstein :** DARREN SHAN !

**VampirePrince :** ( turns to Harkat ) What do you want, stitches ?! Can't you see my ego is bruised ?

**Frankenstein :** What ? You're ego is fine, Darren. I don't see any purple marks.

**VampirePrince :** It's an idiom, Harkat.

Frankenstein : ( types in incredibly miniscule font size ) You're the idiot…( starts typing back normally ) Look above-

**BearSnore :** Hi peeps !

( Harkat proceeds to bang his head on the keyboard as he is interrupted yet again. )

**VampirePrince :** ( looks at Harkat ) Emo…

**BearSnore :** So, whassup ?

**ILuvTheBars :** Um…the ceiling ? Tons of bats ? And a creepy bunch of red-eyed mutant chipmunks ?

**VampirePrince :** ( rolls eyes ) That's not what he meant, Arra. He meant - wait. What 'creepy bunch of red-eyed mutant chipmunks' ?

**Frankenstein :** ( stops trying to concuss himself ) That's what I've been trying to tell you ! There are some-!

**IHateTheSun :** CODE RED ! THE MOUNTAIN HAS BEEN INFILTRATED BY RABID SQUIRRELS ! THEY'VE RECRUITED THEIR SO-CALLED FRIENDLY COUSINS - THE VILE, SEWAGE DWELLING CHIPMUNKS ! IT'S WAR, I TELL YOU ! WAR !

**BearSnore :** …?

**IWantKids :** You know, maybe it's a good thing staying dead. I know I won't be suffering from brain cell loss anytime soon.

**VampirePrince :** Oh, my heart _bleeds_ for your untimely _demise_. When is it by the way ? Any nanosecond now ? Because I seriously don't want to keep my hopes up…

**Frankenstein :** Can we please get back to the situation at hand here ? We have CHIPMUNKS in our mountain, for Osca's sake !

**IHateTheSun :** I agree ! I've devised a plan so cunning - so devious - so unanimous and splendiferous, that no one would mock me from henceforth for hatching such a masterpiece myself ! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!

**Frankenstein :** You've been memorizing those complicated words in Thesaurus once again, haven't you ?

**IHateTheSun :** Those lily-livered, flesh-devouring, zebra-striped furballs are abominable, besmirching creations, they are ! I declare the War of Nuts has officially began !

**ILuvTheBars :** ( yawns ) This is so _not_ productive and it's just incredibly boring. I hate clichés. And Vancha, one of your _beloved _chipmunks is nibbling the bottom of your hideous purple wrap up. ( shivers ) Cheers - I'm calling it a night. Or day. Or a hermaphrodite. ( pauses for a while and stares at her screen, before shrugging )

**ILuvTheBars has signed out.**

( In the background : Vancha can be seen running around in circles, trying to shake off the tiny chipmunk that lodged its evil little teeth into his purple furs. What he didn't know was that the little blighter was actually screeching 'Wheeeeeeeeee !! Free roller coaster ride ! Do the cock screw, oh do the effing COCK SCREW ! Yippie !' in chipmunkian. )

**IWantKids :** See ! You chased her away, you pretty ugly boy !

**VampirePrince :** That is the worst oxymoron I've ever heard this century, Corza. And might I remind you - you're suppose to be history.

**BearSnore :** What's an oxymoron ?

**Frankenstein :** ( shrugs ) A moron who survives on oxygen, I guess.

**BearSnore :** Oh. So does that mean Darren is an oxymoron ?

**VampirePrince :** Hey ! I'm not-!

**IWantKids :** I think I've suffered enough brain hemorrhage with your idiotic fallacies, thank you a lot. I'm going to retire to my coffin. Permanently.

**BearSnore has set his status to away.**

( Before Corza could sign out, Vanez surprisingly burst into the room, his eyes nearly popping out of its sockets as he spots a flustered looking Corza. )

**OneEyeHero :** ( gasps dramatically ) CORZA JARN ! OHMIGOSH ! The plot holes are still running rampant ! I have to go and alert management- ( trips and falls into another black hole )

**OneEyeHero has signed out.**

**Frankenstein :** You know, we really need to do something to cover up these damned plot holes. Got any suggestions ?

**VampirePrince :** We could inflate Corza's manhood and stick in the opening. After all, he made it clear that he is _man_ enough to handle things which a kid like _me_ supposedly can't handle…( smiles evilly )

**IWantKids :** You're just a sore loser, groundnut !

**VampirePrince :** What about you- you…eggplant !

**Frankenstein :** Oh, boy. We really need moderators.

**IWantKids :** Groundnut.

**VampirePrince :** Eggplant.

**IWantKids :** Groundnut !

**Frankenstein :** Okay, could we just stop ? This is getting very childish. And not to mention wasting space.

**VampirePrince :** Eggplant !

**IWantKids :** GROUNDNUT.

**VampirePrince :** EGGPLANT !

**Frankenstein :** Hmm…So much for who has a higher EQ level and bigger balls…

**IWantKids :** GROUNDNUT !

**VampirePrince :** EGGPLANT TIMES TEN ! Hah, in YOUR face !

**IWantKids :** Why, you little…twerp !

**VampirePrince :** Is that the best you can do ? ( inserts a sweet, puppy faced emoticon here ) _Whelp_ ?

**IWantKids :** GAH !

**IWantKids has signed out.**

**Frankenstein :** That was very mature, Darren. Please kindly act your age next time.

**VampirePrince :** ( grumbles ) He had it coming.

**BearSnore :** I'm back ! So, what did I miss ?

**Frankenstein :** Oh, nothing much. Just some pointless verbal duel between two vampires who clearly had too little maturity to care.

**BearSnore :** Ahh, I see…So what about Vancha ? He came in here a short while ago, saying something about striped furballs ?

**VampirePrince :** The War of Nuts has officially began, Gavner. Vancha has decided to lead the first wave ( points at a hopping, screeching Vancha in the corner ). All though I have to say, chipmunks are biologically protected by their cuteness factor. So it's virtually impossible for any loyal troops to stick by Vancha's side, even if he manages to rally a whole bloodsucking legion.

( Gavner raises a questioning eyebrow and Darren points at the doorway, where a couple of supposedly fighting guards are busy petting a couple of chipmunks and crooning over them )

**BearSnore :** Yeesh. But I don't like chipmunks - they're just incredibly furry, n- ( a tiny chipmunk jumps on his lap and gives him the big, red, watery, chipmunk eyes ) –ICE, LITTLE MUFFINS !

**BearSnore has signed out.**

**Frankenstein :** Wow, that was extremely…not…_normal_…Don't you think so, Darren ? Hey, Darren ? ( turns around in his rolly chair and stares ) Holy dipshit.

( Darren was busy cuddling an obese chipmunk, his fingers lovingly tickling the back of the furry creature's ears. Vancha on the other hand, was busy screaming at the oblivious, goo-goo eyed vampires, "DON'T YOU SEE ? THEY'RE EVIL ! THEY'RE BRAINWASHING YOU ! DON'T LOOK INTO THEIR EYES ! DON'T STARE AT THEM ! THEY'RE EVIL, I TELL YOU - EVILLLLLLLLL !! )

**VampirePrince has been evicted from the chat room because he has dishonored rule 12 a)3.4 point gazillion jelly beans : Anyone who tries to asphyxiate a rabid, evil-looking chipmunk without a blatant intention of murdering it, or perpetually harming it any way will be put in time out with a free CD of Barney Playtime and a funky straw.**

**Frankenstein :** Great, now we have a rodent infestation. First the War of Scars, then the War of Nuts. What's next - the War of Cheese ?

( Right on cue, a random vampire can be seen chasing a barrel sized cheese wheel with his sword, screeching something that sounds suspiciously in Russian. Harkat just slaps his forehead. )

**Frankenstein :** Fine. Let the War of Cheese Scarred Nuts begin !

**Frankenstein has signed out.**

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_I think this ending was lamer than the last chapter, and I really wanted to throw in Kurda and Seba, but I couldn't fit all the characters in a single shot. So a thousand apologies, my humble servants - I mean, my revered reviewers. But I promise you'll hear more about the rest of them in the next chapter !_

_Oh, and the War of Cheese Scarred Nuts has officially began ! So there will be more cuddling, more action, more drama, and most certainly more crazy vampires chasing after random cheese wheels._

_So, please review ! _

**SEND IN 15 REVIEWS AND I'LL POST ANOTHER CHAPTER AS SOON AS I CAN !**


	8. Chapter 9

**Thousands of apologies for not being able to update sooner; I was tied down in uni for the past six and a half months, and well, it was just plain hell. Writing was my only way 'out' of my life, and yet I didn't have the time to write anything…-sigh-**

**BUT I'M BACK ! FOR A FEW MORE DAYS, AT LEAST !**

**So I'll try to update as much as I can and try to post at least a chapter each month. **

**P.S. THANKS A TON FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT; YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST READERS AND REVIEWERS I'VE EVER COME ACROSS.**

**P.P.S. I've edited the previous chapters of this story – just correcting the grammar and spelling errors, no less. Nothing major. ;)**

**P.P.S. On another note, I've started another original ficlet under fictionpress. It's under the supernatural genre, so if you're interested, please check out my profile 'Icy Vampire Chick' or the story itself 'Smitten and Bitten'.**

**Disclaimer : I told Santa last Christmas that I wanted to own the Darren Shan Saga. He told me to bugger off. Sheesh. Evil little round-bellied cookie-stealing jerk.**

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**Chapter 9.**

**BlondBrain : **Psht…Vamp Prince, are you there ?

**VampirePrince :** ( stares at the computer screen, completely bewildered ) KURDA ? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE FORCEFULLY PRANCING AROUND IN A TUTU RIGHT NOW ?

**BlondBrain : **Ack ! Quiet down ! I don't want _him_ to know I'm here.

**Frankenstein : **If you're here, then who's that ? ( stares at a supposedly screaming 'Kurda' who runs pass, his hair in little pigtails with pink ribbons and wearing a shocking pink tutu )

**BlondBrain : **( rolls eyes ) Cyrus, duh…Why do you think all my children of the night are blonde like me ?

**VampirePrince :** Geez. I dunno…Maybe because you had a fetish for noodle-colored objects before you were blooded ?

**Frankenstein : **( ignores Darren ) You call your assistants Children of the Night ? How bad can your taste be ?

**BlondBrain : **And this is coming from a guy who can't even taste anything.

**Frankenstein : **At least I don't crawl around in holes and draw stick figures on pieces of paper, claiming that I'm on a quest to find a hidden volcano.

**BlondBrain : **MAPS ! THEY'RE CALLED MAPS, FOR OSCA'S SAKE !!

**Frankenstein :** ( snorts ) Yeah, right. ( waves a 'map' in the air ) Then why does this 'map' have a stick figure of you and Mika holding hands together under the full moon ?

**BlondBrain :** That's Mona Lisa and her boyfriend, Vlad Stroker !

**VampirePrince :** Yeah sure…It looks more like a Mika Lisa to me…

**BlondBrain :** ( scowls at Darren from behind him ) Start on me, shorty, and I'll give Arrow a map to the secret stash of Bratz dolls you keep under your hammock.

**VampirePrince : **( howls wildly and dramatically ) NOOOOOOOOOO !!

**Frankenstein :** You just gave away the location, Blondie. Good work. ( looks at Darren and thwacks him on the head ) Stop bawling.

**VampirePrince :** Ow.

( Kurda huffs and eyes the computer screen evilly. At the same time, Larten walks into the cave, yelling, "Cyrus ? Cyrus ! CYRUS ?!" before muttering angrily, "Damn that no-good coconut loving computer geek. I need to check my Facebook account and the snot-nose idiot decides to run. Of all the effing timing…" )

**VampirePrince :** ( watches in mortification as Larten exits the cave room ) Whoa. I had no idea Mr. Crepsley could cuss.

**BlondBrain :** DON'T USE ANY NAMES ! WE CAN BE MONITERED BY THE RFD FOR ALL WE KNOW !!

**Frankenstein :** What in seven levels of Vampire Mountain is an RFD ?

**VampirePrince :** We have seven levels ? How come I've only been on one ?

**Frankenstein :** It's an imagery, Darren.

**VampirePrince :** ( Huffs, "You're the one who needs a surgery" although this is not audible online ) So what's an RFD ?

**BlondBrain :** They're the meanest, most vilest creatures ever invented.

( All the vampires seated in front of their respective computers straighten instantly. )

**Frankenstein :** ( cocks his head in interest ) What are they created for ?

**BlondBrain :** To annihilate and torment people…with _kisses_.

**ILuvBars :** You mean like the Hershey chocolates ?

( Everyone holds their breath )

**BlondBrain :** No.

( And everyone releases it with disappointment )

**ILuvThe Bars :** Aw, dangit. I thought I got it there. ( grumbles and hands Arrow a hundred dollar note )

**VampirePrince :** ( gasps dramatically ) Where exactly did they come from ?

**Blondbrain : **( shares traumatic, dreaded music online ) No one knows. They say that in the beginning of every universe, these soulless denizens are born from the bustling pheromones of total troglodytes.

( Cyrus and Seba both stop running and hover over one of the computers, before trading a horrified glance as they stare at the screen )

**VampirePrince : **( gulps ) And then…?

**BlondBrain :** Others say they were simply conceived from the hazardous musings of some lunatic writer.

( A loud 'thunk' can be he heard echoing throughout the mountain )

**DarthVyper :** HOI !

**BlondeBrain :** Oops. Sorry, bosslady. Got carried away there.

**ILuvTheBars :** Just tell us what they are already, Kurda !

**BlondeBrain :** DON'T USE MY NAME ! WE'RE NOT SUPPOSE TO USE ANYONE'S NAMES, ARRA !

**RavenHead :** Hate to interrupt your rant, but you just said Arra's name, Kurda.

**Blondbrain :** GAH !

**AncientPrince :** Well, someone's got his wedgies in a knot.

( Seba suddenly pauses and stares at Cyrus, who is standing next to him. "Hang on. You mean you are not Kurda ?" )

**BlondBrain :** Well, as I was saying before-

**Frankenstein :** You're typing it, Kurda. Not saying it. In fact, you weren't saying anything before. You were just hitting the keys and sharing some soppy melody which you think increases the suspense.

( Cyrus shakes his head and points at a tall man in a black wig hunched over one of the computers. Seba frowns. )

**BlondBrain : **It's Schubert ! And you have to admit, it's working, isn't it ?

**ILuvThe Bars : **JUST TELL US ALREADY !

**BlondBrains :** ( rolls eyes, oblivious to the fact that Seba is creeping up behind him with some duct tape and a Barney CD ) They are-

( Everyone leans closer to their computer screen in anticipation – some of them chewing their own nails…)

**BlondBrain :** -the dreaded, accursed-

**Frankenstein : **Um…Kurda ?

**BlondBrain :** -abominable, vicious and socially decrepit-

**Frankenstein :** ( sings out ) Kurda Smahlt…?

**RavenHead :** What ? What is it ? Royal Dufus Front ? Retarded Dodos Fellowship ? Richard Dumped Fiona ? What is it ? TELL US WHAT IT IS OR WE WON'T PROMOTE YOU !!

**Frankenstein :** KURDA ! WATCH-!

**BlondBrain :** TBRFGILSUGVRFNVB BURFVBALUEAEFBEFFBEAFE…. AHHHHHHHHH !!

( Seba pounces on Kurda, before slamming him onto the keyboard and duct taping him to his rolly chair, which he promptly wheels out of the room with a, "Toodles, people ! I'm so going to enjoy screwing with his mind ! MWAHAHAHAHAHA !!" )

**VampirePrince :** NOOOOOOOOOOO !!

**Frankenstein :** ( looks at Darren ) You're really good at dramatic wails. Where did you learn that ?

**VampirePrince : **( shuts up immediately ) VPAC. Duh.

**ILuvTheBars :** Oh, no. Not another abbreviation. ( sighs and throws hands in the air ) I'm definitely not going to waste my time trying to figure this one out.

**ILuvTheBars has signed off.**

**AncientPrince :** What on earth is a VPAC ?

**VampirePrince :** ( snorts ) Vampires Performing Arts Committee, of course.

**RavenHead :** Wait, wait, wait…We have clubs ?

**IHateManningTheGates : **Yes, Sire. We do. We just formed the AGLF yesterday.

**Frankenstein :** Who the heck are you ?

**IHateManningTheGates :** Perliat Cheil. And the All Guards Liberation Front had its first official meeting yesterday. We were discussing the importance of using safety helmets when Prince Vancha brings his squirrels over. Those nasty little buggers love brunettes somehow…I swear I don't have a single strand left !

**RavenHead :** By the order of all that's holy to the vampires, I order you to get out of this conversation right now !

**IHateManningTheGates :** ( sniffs ) Fine. You're just sore that I finished the last packet of Nachos.

**RavenHead :** BUGGER OFF ! ( pauses ) Wait. My Nachos ? PERLIAT CHEIL, YOU ARE GOING TO GET CARTED OFF TO THE HALL OF DEATH FOR THIS !

**IHateManningTheGates :** Bite me, loser.

**IHateManningTheGates has signed off. **

**RavenHead : **Why you-?!

**RavenHead has signed off.**

**VampirePrince : **O.O

**Frankenstein : **Yeah, I know the feeling, Darren. But in my case, widened eyes isn't an option. It comes with the whole Little Person package.

**AncientPrince :** Oh, pity you, Mulds. Well, then – I got to go. Old prince like me needs some time _alone_, you know…

**BearSnore : **Hang on ! I'm coming with you, Sire ! I just padded Esmeralda today, so it'll get extra comfy !

**AncientPrince : **Ooh, I love velvet…

**BearSnore :** Try velvet and satin…

**AncientPrince :** Purl, you definitely speak _my _language. ( winks )

**AncientPrince has signed off.**

**BearSnore :** Yeah, that and Russian.

( On cue, a screaming Russian vampire can be seen being chased by a cheese wheel in the background. )

**Frankenstein :** ( stares at the yelling vampire ) Any chance of decoding that before you go off, Gavner ?

**BearSnore :** ( stares hard at the vampire and the cheese wheel ) I think he said, "Okay, okay, I surrender ! I promise not to bake anymore cheesecakes in my free time !"

**Frankenstein :** Oh.

**VampirePrince :** And so ends the War of Cheese.

**Frankenstein :** Oh.

**VampirePrince :** You really need another synonym for that, you know.

**Frankenstein :** Stuff it, Darren.

**BearSnore : **Well, if you're all over your hissy fight, I got a Prince to please and possibly looooooooove…( wiggles eyebrows )

**BearSnore has signed off.**

**Frankenstein :** Okay…Here I was, thinking that we've finally escaped one of those sex-themed chapters. Guess we're still stuck, eh ?

**VampirePrince :** You can't get everything in line these days, I guess…I just found out that peanut cookies and English chocolates screws the mind of fanfic authors. Go figure.

**Frankenstein :** ( sighs ) All this talk and we still haven't discovered what the heck RFD stands for.

**VampirePrince :** Oh, I dunno…Something tells me that we're going to find out firsthand soon and it ain't gonna be pretty…

**BearSnore :** Uhh…guys ? Has anyone seen Foosball ?

**VampirePrince : **( blinks at the screen ) What the hell is a Foosball ?

**Frankenstein :** ( stares confusedly ) Gavner ? What are you doing here again ?

**BearSnore :** I had to leave Paris for a while – I just can't find Foosball ! ( inserts a panic-stricken emoticon )

**VampirePrince :** ( sings out ) Hello ? Is anyone listening ?

**Frankenstein :** Where did you last see it ?

**BearSnore :** ( wails ) I DON'T KNOW !!

**VampirePrince :** WHAT. THE. FUDGE. IS. A. FOOSBALL.

**OneEyeHero :** A plastic miniaturized version of a football that is kicked around by plastic versions of David Beckham on a pool board.

**Frankenstein :** Holy dipshit. Vanez, is that really you ? What sizzled your brain circuits ?

**BearSnore :** ( ignores both Harkat and Vanez again ) Actually, Foosball is four inches tall, has the cutest ickle beady red eyes and silkiest golden brown fur I've ever seen on a chipmunk.

**VampirePrince :** Nuh-uh. Snuffywuffkins is better-looking. He can touch his toes with his paws.

**OneEyeHero :** A chipmunk doesn't have toes…they have digit-like projections that end in razor-tip claws meant for gripping nuts and scaling trees.

**Frankenstein :** ( stares at Vanez from the other side of the room ) Please don't tell me you just memorized everything on Wikipedia.

**OneEyeHero :** Of course not. I used Google.

**Frankenstein :** Mein Gods…What happened to you ?!

**BearSnore :** ( ignores the both of them again ) No way ! Foosball can crack metal with his teeth !

**VampirePrince :** Snuffywuffkins can do cartwheels in a salad bowl !

**OneEyeHero :** I dunno exactly…One moment I spotted a hole, then next – BAM ! Welcome to Google. Please use our newly equipped funky toolbar to browse the net in search of information that would only serve to fill your head with liberal amounts of useless junk.

( Harkat just stares on, completely mortified. In the background, Kurda can be seen bunny-hopping as fast as he can, only to be tackled by Seba and fall down with a loud, "Oof !" )

**BearSnore : **Foosball can sing soprano !

**VampirePrince :** Snuffywuffkins can eat his own poop !

( Everyone stops moving. Darren looks around, before crying out defensively, " What ? I was running out of things to say ! Besides, all rodents eat their own poop !" There was a horrified moment of silence before all the vampires lobbed their chipmunks as far away from them as they could, screaming bloody murder. )

**Frankenstein :** Geez, Darren ! How about practicing a little more subtlety once in a while ? ( ducks as a chipmunk soars past his head, screeching its furry little ass off )

**VampirePrince :** Tact was never my forte, Harkat. I thought you knew that ! ( uses a tennis racket to bat away as many flying rodents as he can )

**OneEyeHero :** Ooo ! My G-mail is working ! GTG !

**OneEyeHero has signed off.**

**Frankenstein : **As soon as we get this fixed, I'm taking him ( points at Vanez ) to see a doctor. Or a pastor. Or maybe both !

**VampirePrince :** Good luck ! ( swoops to the left to hit a particularly fat chipmunk away from his foot ) The damn thing is chewing my socks !

( Before Harkat could reply, Vancha runs in, waving his arms madly in the air )

**IHateTheSun : **OMG ! They've evolved ! They can now fly ! Stupid mangy curs !

( Suddenly, all the chipmunks freeze in mid-air and stare at Vancha with angry red eyes. )

**Frankenstein :** Oh crap. If I know that look, I'd say they're pissed…

**VampirePrince :** ( gulps ) Or hungry…

**Frankenstein :** Or both…

( Then, the chipmunks drop to the ground, before surging towards Vancha in one unanimous wave, all screeching, "AIYEE !" or some other cool word which you could possibly think of. )

**IHateTheSun :** No ! Not my clothes ! I just bought them through E-Bay ! NOOOOOOOOO !! ( runs back out with all the chipmunks pursuing him )

**Frankenstein :** Well, that was short-lived. Two phases of the War averted so far. ( turns around and glances at Darren ) You know what the big problem is ? All this drama and we still don't know what the fudge RFD stands for.

**VampirePrince :** ( slaps icepack over forehead ) Save it, Harkat. I think I seriously need a vacation.

**Frankenstein :** Ditto.

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_Before you start, let me guess : worst chapter, not funny, and totally lame ending ? Yup, I suspected as much. Dammit. I think I've lost my touch. Eep ! But at the same time, stay tuned to find out what RFD means ! Anyone who guesses it correctly will get a HUGE chocolate chip cybercookie !_


	9. DV's Note

**D.V.'s Note.**

Hi people!

I know it's been a long time since I've updated anything on this site, but I have a perfectly reasonable explanation. And yes, I can already picture some of you rolling your eyes or muttering under your breath, "That's what she always says, that stupid procrastinator. Excuse after excuse. Yeah, right!"

Well, put away the pitchforks and spare at least a minute to hear me out.

I'm currently studying my second year of Medical Bioscience in Australia, and the academic attention is certainly taking up tons of time. But here's the best bit:-

I'm getting my book published. An agency from Canada/US was willing to represent me and the editor wanted to have a peek at my manuscript and negotiate a full contract (to which I asked her to buy me some time because I'm rewriting huge portions of my story and balancing a full time Medical degree; no easy task, let me tell you). She hasn't replied yet, but I'm hoping and praying things will work out.

I want to personally thank some of the coolest people I've met on that has either helped me through this (one of you guys even turned out to be the best penpal and editor ever! And yes, that's you, B! THANKS!) or inspired me to continue, or even just wanted to have a chat with me:-

-musical-gerbil- (Love you darling! Thanks a ton for everything! )

-AnyatheRhymer- (It's nice to bump into another Malaysian who can write very well! Thanks for all the chat sessions! ;) )

-Alicia- (Sorry hon, forgot your pen name –sheepish smile- Thanks for being one of the first people on the site to talk to me!)

-GunnerGirl- (My first reviewer! How could I ever thank you? –kisses feet-)

-CocoLime- (Probably one of my most favorite reviewers. She always makes my ego swell with her sweet comments)

-Naomi- (Most possibly we'll never see each other online again due to schedule clashes, but if you were to ever read this, thank you for being so kind to me)

-Kimmeth and Halt at X- (you two have been loyally supporting my DS fics, I can never thank you enough for this! )

-Twisted Ingenue- (Previously KurdasGirl, if I'm not mistaken – Thanks for your awesome reviews and support!)

And there are plenty more that I can thank – if only I could meet each and every one of personally, I'd hug you all and give you a gigantic box of chocolates. Thanks everyone for all your support, constructive criticisms, reviews, and lovely PMs.

I was planning to scrap off some ficlets, but after looking back at the crappy stories and awesome people that made my life more colorful than it was meant to be, I had no heart to. Every word I wrote on this site just proved to me how much I've moved up the scale of amateurism to professionalism, so I'm going to let them stay the way they are (with some edited and upgraded portions in due time) for memory's sake. So I will **CONTINUE** writing, just probably at infrequent and random moments. I don't plan on giving up – I'm no longer a quitter like I once used to be. So hang in there, and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.

**THANKS EVERYONE!**

P.S. If you have any queries about my book, I'm afraid I won't be able to divulge much, including the title and storyline for fear of plagiarists and a future legal lawsuit (on my end, should anyone get bright ideas to rip off my hard work). But I can tell you this : it's under the paranormal romance category and fishes a completely new uptake on how we see our current world. ;)

P.P.S. Word of advice : Don't give up on your dreams. I failed 40 times and I quit. But two years later and God's answer comes knocking on my door. So have a little faith in what you're doing and Him. Things always never work out with a 'yes', but with the 'best'. So be patient and **DON'T** give up! 

~Jo


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